Nik*
`Bleahx!..the onli name wit a !*
`Daron*
`fLaVia*
`Valarie*
`a$Hr@f*
`rEeN@*
`kEnneTh*
`gE0rGe*
`r!cK*
`haNn@h*
`mAnDah*
`@dl!n*
`@llY$$@*
`x!nY!*
`$us!e*
`sAbr!n@*
`A!$h@H*
`rEg!N@*
`mujie*
`Jinnie*
`J0eY*
`Shirin*
`Eugene*
leonard
gvss
17
| You Are More Yang |
 Masculine Creative Angry Spring Summer Morning Sun Space Active Wood Chocolate |
|
Your Kissing Purity Score: 80% Pure |
You've hardly ever been kissed But the kisses you've given are very missed |
| Your Love Type: INFP |
 The Idealist In love, you crave a long term, harmonious relationship. For you, sex doesn't come quickly - it takes time for you to open up. Overall, you are supportive, nurturing, and expressive. However, you tend to be shy and protective of your personal space. Best matches: ENFJ and ESFJ |
| You Should Be A Cancer |
 What's good about you: you're incredibly kind, caring, and generous What's bad about you: you can be too moody and impossible to understand In love: you enjoy wining and dining the object of your affection In friendship, you're: likely to depend on other friends for emotional support Your ideal job: historian, marine biologist, or religious figure Your sense of fashion: you dress to match your mood You like to pig out on: classic home cooked meals, like mac and cheese |
e rest find out urself..bleahx!
....
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Sometimes, revealing too much information just ain't no help.. Thanks for the comfort anyway.
I think I'm starting to lose self-esteem. As for when it will be restored, I've no idea. I've isolated myself as much as I can for weeks, trying not to let others noticed it. I guess that was just for some enjoyment purpose. Actually, doing some self-reflection as well. Always thinking about how fortunate people around me are, as if they've no problem in their lives. Everybody seems pretty perfect to me now, and I feel that I've been a burdened soul living in this world where love is unknowingly concern to all( as titled at the top). I'll always try to be there for my peers, but it seems like they ought to realize such.For what good had I done done anyway? A help is certainly a failure at times, just why don't I realize that? Yea, having a hard time reviving my positive insight..
For what I know, my real mum have been by my side all this while. I really wish to be with her, but she's got a family of her own. Somehow the word "thank" just kinda hard and awkward for me to say out and I've no idea why. Probably that's because I'm unaccustomed to that way of saying. But I'll still try my best to give thanks and she'll be like "what?" and I got to repeat myself due to my shyness and softening of voice. Interestingly, she shared her experience of having me messaged her for the first time after having part for 14 years or so. It's was indeed an exciting moment then. I was holding my phone tight without letting it go until a reply was received. I guess I'll never forget how we get to meet for the first time, and she just gave birth to George at that time! Ha!
And also, for the first time having that adorable George acknowledging me by the name brother, in Mandarin. Ha, but I'm afraid mum(real) may not like it.. loL. For that short moment when he called, there was just quite a short silence between me and mum. I was like starring at him, and mum claimed: " Who said you can call him that?". Ha, but I'm perfectly alright though! Having her accepting me still, already satisfy my heart ineffably. ;)
Well, of course, there's one thing that I must say is that the Bleahx! people(mainly Jeremy, Valarie, Daron) have been the best people around me. People had been saying that we are couples/homo due to our closeness. For that I will have no doubt that their knowledge of closeness is very shallow. It's been the typical mindset of Singaporean that when 2 people who have got no blood relations at all, getting close means they're attached. What's there to blame? Blame them for not being able to understand that not everyone was being brought up the same way as they were.
Looking at my current situation, I really wish to have a partner. But when i refer to my dad's doings, I seriously can't accept myself getting into a relationship if I can. I think I'll just a lead single life for as long as I can. Unless miracles happen, such that I feel that I can assure whoever that I'm going to be with that I'll not bring much miserable happenings for the simple reason that I do not want anybody to end up like me or my dad, mum or any others who is involved in this incident with me. Always, when I wish to enter a relationship, I always thought to myself: " Will I bring joy and laughter to this person? Or will it be a dreary journey to pulled through with?" Sometimes I just feel that for any attempt that I'm going to establish a relationship with is going to be lame. I dare not woo anybody actually due to that thought. For fear that I will create an ugly image in that person's heart as well. I suppose every guy will have that similar phobia actually? hmm...
meLeonard walked through the seasons at
